How to be an exercise guru

So you want to be a guru? Here are some helpful tips I have
learned through observation of many of the well-known gurus in action.

Make everything as complex as
possible, it you are not sure make it more complicated.

Use big words that no one can
understand or spell so they can’t look them up in any reputable source. Make up
words wherever possible.

Be as sciencey as possible. Cite
obscure studies in Russian journals that no one can find much less read.

Mumble a lot so people can’t
understand you but they still think you are saying profound things.

Claim every athlete you ever
walked by in the gym or at the track as one of the pros or Olympic medalists
you worked with.

Have as many letters as possible
after your name. Make some of them up if you are not sure, it is always good to
have a few extra.

Steal ideas and pretend like you
made them up. Don’t give credit to anyone because it might make you look like
less of an expert.

Hide behind palatial facilities
and machines that go bling, bam & boom.

Pretend that training and working
out started when Al Gore invented the Internet, obviously anything before that
is irrelevant. If it is old is can’t be any good.

This is obviously tongue in cheek but if you take a step
back and look around you will see much of this in journals, workshops and
especially on the Internet. The only way this will change is if we start
calling these people on their words and actions. Be aware, look for substance
not style and think critically. Follow principles not personalities.